4AM

by Rachel Efron

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1.
Seems like I’ve been here before Covered with smoke what I saw I could show you these maple trees naked in the cold Morning arrives like a dream Asks me to call it by name I could show you these maple trees naked in the cold And I would give to you green and blue stories I have told Light of the crescent moon Pallid and clear I don’t remember you But I like to think you were there Time put the crack in the wall Traded the dark for the girl I could show you these maple trees naked in the cold And I would give to you green and blue stories I have told Light of the crescent moon Pallid and clear I don’t remember you But I like to think you were there Well don’t you stand watch for the sun The moment it drops from your view I see you there holding the phone You’re framed by the window Alone though you said so A dead line to what you think you know Light of the crescent moon Pallid and clear I don’t remember you But I like to think you were there You were there
2.
Pick one rose from the vase of flowers before you Pick one more, pick two, you owe me a lot Pick one thread of a lie that’s started to bore you Pick one trait of a self that’s all that you’re not Twenty-eight years and I will reimburse you for the confidence I’m feeling Living the crime day at a time in my happy ever after Summer alone courting a stone as I wait for something new Casting aside years that I tried and I trade ‘em for the laughter Starting to see pieces of me in the life I’m leading in the darkest season of you I can see through the blinds your daughter of fortune I can hear through the words that crack in your voice Let me let go this kite tail of your distortion Let me still live in a world that offers the choice Hang up the phone before I ask for anything you never knew to give me Living the crime day at a time in my happy ever after Summer alone courting a stone as I wait for something new Casting aside years that I tried and I trade ‘em for the laughter Starting to see pieces of me in the life I’m leading in the darkest season of you If I reject the way you hold me after all this Would you recall the times you told me Not to trust a world that knows its end from its cruel beginning All of my life so I can stand before now and tell you that I’m broken Living the crime day at a time in my happy ever after Summer alone courting a stone as I wait for something new Casting aside years that I tried and I trade ‘em for the laughter Starting to see pieces of me in the life I’m leading in the darkest season of you It’s just the life I’m leading in the darkest season of you I’ll take the life I’m leading in the darkest season of you
3.
Thank you for your silence but still I cannot speak Aftermath of violence imparted to the weak If you would be my witness, tell me what you see I still could not permit this, imprisoned yet I’m free If the rain came down to wash Them away My love revealed for a day Yours to hold, would you show me the Fall Clear and cold, would you know me Would you know me at all Listen to your lover across a different wall Devotion under cover and trembling in the hall She wrote of all the ages she felt herself to be And now I find the pages withheld again from me If the rain came down to wash Them away My love revealed for a day Yours to hold, would you show me the Fall Clear and cold, would you know me Would you know me at all
4.
Summer’s skin to winter’s touch Seabreeze breath into the curtain Like a fugitive I hide inside what I know Here my words can mean so much What is poetry is certain Feel the beauty and the pain as rain falling slow Tell me I am lonely Here in the dying of the day As the tide is creeping in Give it to me only I can perceive that there’s a way That the wave will break again Bits of driftwood on the shelf Life of hesitance in motion I collect what I can’t lose, I choose what I see Tell me I am lonely Here in the dying of the day As the tide is creeping in Give it to me only I can perceive that there’s way That the wave will break again Every word I told you Here in the dying of the day As the tide is creeping in Breathless I unfold you I can perceive that there’s a way That the wave will break again Beauty’s been alone so long Lost her will to see Beauty knows that she’s been wrong Promises to be undone
5.
Romancing tomorrow and the words left to say The motions of sorrow by a heart made of clay I did not think to ask for more Now I wait on another shore Romancing tomorrow for a dream of yesterday The hills are still golden, the sky is still blue I linger beholden to the promise of you I’ll defer to the scenery But it all looks the same to me The more that I come to be the woman that you knew My love is a rose that only I can see now I did not think to ask for more Now I wait on another shore Romancing tomorrow for a dream of yesterday
6.
I’ll never tell you why I thought to look around me While you contrived your love upon my skin I’ll let you have your lie You leave me as you found me The only thing I feel is where you’ve been I think I’m alive but I’ve got to be sure I’m paying the price of being sweet and demure Now I’m leading a siege against your love without the hint of a sound Well you push me away so you can track me down again And you’re lying when you tell me that you want to be my friend A fool could find a way to turn it around It is a woman’s crime I wish for you to know me The hidden rooms of all that I can be Been raining all the time Since you commenced to show me The limit of the love you have for me I think I’m alive but I’ve got to be sure I’m paying the price of being sweet and demure Now I’m leading a siege against your love without the hint of a sound Well you push me away so you can track me down again And you’re lying when you tell me that you want to be my friend A fool could find a way to turn it around 
I was hoping to see the love last But I left my script at the station Here’s to looking at you, my new past While alone I find my way around Manhattan I think I’m alive but I’ve got to be sure I’m paying the price of being sweet and demure Now I’m leading a siege against your love Well you push me away so you can track me down again And you’re lying when you tell me that you want to be my friend A fool could find a way If a fool could find a way Are you ever gonna find a way to turn it around
7.
I have noticed the flicker of your light The hollow of your absence in the pain, in the fight Shout or whisper, recover what is wrong Stories like the layers since the night you were born You are with me as images of sleep As creatures of the shipwreck, life in love, dark and deep Form your sadness even as it dies Colors the reflection of your past in your eyes Before I fall in love I want to know, how you gonna love me Before I fall in love I’ve got to know, how you gonna touch me When the wind blows and the leaves fall all around me You who’ve been here a hundred times before Witness to my passion and the night and the door I will stay here as though I have the choice Come again tomorrow, bring your past, bring your voice Before I fall in love I want to know, how you gonna love me Before I fall in love I’ve got to know, how you gonna touch me When the wind blows and the leaves fall all around me
8.
Laughter to charm you Touch to disarm you In the calm of your repose I will alarm you Quiet your reason If you’ve seen it all before, look again It’s the single night of your life Try to finesse me Pause to assess me In the tyranny of time move to undress me And discover me here as an orchard in bloom and Just dance me around my room You could resist me Soon as you’ve kissed me Cast a hundred other nets, proof how you’ve missed me You could just have me Inconsequential thing ‘til it’s not We are daffodils in the rain Dare you to try me Lover untie me I’m alive here for you now, choose or deny me If the motions of love are too much to presume well Just dance me around my room I’m a garden before you I was made to adore you Take my hand and a step and begin Sweep me ‘round past the window An impossible tempo Feel the breeze like my breath on your skin On your skin Can you perceive me Power to grieve me In the still of what I am, hold or bereave me As you stand here with me on the edge of my doom and Just dance me around my room
9.
Calm as I seem Feel that this day is a dream that I’m living Afraid that I’ll never wake up For all that I’ve heard I’m come to examine the words that were spoken Like leaves at the end of my cup Like water you drew What I remember of you is your absence The way that I longed for your touch A plotline to trace The drama unfolds in the space of the silence The characters spoken too much Who knows my secrets Stuff of my life through the lens of your lies Who knows my secrets I need to know when to avert my eyes Weren’t you the one to say you’d never make a sound Well who knows my secrets now The bourbon you drink Discolors the thoughts that you think as you’re walkin’ The eighty-nine steps to my door In sadness sublime Consider that all of this time you’re approachin’ The failure you fashioned before Who knows my secrets Stuff of my life through the lens of your lies Who knows my secrets I need to know when to avert my eyes Weren’t you the one to say you’d never make a sound Well who knows my secrets now You asked me to believe you’d never let me down Well who knows my secrets now
10.
My heart is doing fine, a sign it’s good we’re through I watch the news at nine, I hardly think of you I look upon the stars above and sense the love That you are said to feel but never really do I paid my rent again, six-ten with gas and heat I’m radiating Zen to everyone I meet I don’t expect a call when I begin to fall And now that you are gone I’m mostly on my feet Well life is the truest art And life got a funny start And love’s the wicked part of everyone I know, I know I’d like for you to know, although I think of you The memory is slow and slightly faded too You are the stuff of dreams and always were it seems The simply most banal in Technicolor blue Well life is the truest art And life got a funny start And love’s the wicked part of everyone I know, I know So stay while the music’s low And stay in the afterglow Before I stop the show and find the words to say today Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Thanks for asking
11.
You tell me that you’ve lost yourself to be with me That I am not the woman that I seemed to be Your life becomes the burden of the love you’ve known The more you’ve shared yourself the more you are alone Well shine your brightest light on our pathology Specifically the portion that applies to me Help me find my way to all that I might do To quantify my need and make it up to you Seven times who you are Twenty times what you say Once you’ve made it this far Just leave the best unsaid and go ahead Find another way to be in love So I’m the fool who took your words as poetry Made love between the verses of what we could be I navigate for meaning in your drunken prayer The same time I correct for how you seemed to care Seven times who you are Twenty times what you say Once you’ve made it this far Just leave the best unsaid and go ahead Find another way to be in love If there is hope it is this The very love you resist Is looking on you as this August sky And I will stay just in case
You choose to forfeit the race And turn around to find a reason why Seven times who you are Twenty times what you say Once you’ve made it this far Just leave the best unsaid and go ahead Find another way A better way There is a way to be in love I’ll be in love
12.
Open the book Chapter you took Long by the look of it Too much to say Better that way Lose one more day to it Well I’ve known such love before and I evened out the score For all you dare recall the splintered lines It’s four in the morning when I go To feel the ways that you were right You’re clear as spoken fear The dark designs an obvious warning and I know That I will go the rest alone Leave my longing with the night Failure or fame Less you disclaim Life for the game of it Prove you can fight Cruel and polite Love me in spite of it It’s the vigil that I keep for the life in you asleep For all you dare recall the splintered lines It’s four in the morning when I go To feel the ways that you were right You’re clear as spoken fear The dark designs an obvious warning and I know That I will go the rest alone Leave my longing with the night So I can be the one who feels too much Shy and still careening from your touch And you can have your heartache with your gin And you can taste the sweetness of the freedom that you win Drink it in

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released August 22, 2009

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Rachel Efron Oakland, California

Oakland-based singer/songwriter Rachel Efron writes edgy but deeply felt piano driven alt-pop, nuanced by a forever love for improvised jazz and impressionistic classical music. She takes her influence from The Beatles and Tom Waits, Ben Folds and Feist, alongside the melodic sensibilities of Grieg and Chopin, and the chord voicings of Bill Evans and Brad Mehldau. ... more

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